(If you have never read “Breakfast Smoothies” you might want to read the short introductory page. Explanations about the most blatant lies usually follow the essay.)
The smoothie was a shade of camouflage green and was half gone already when I noticed. I don’t know what’s in this thing this morning, I said to Gizmo, the cat. The cat was the only one sitting at the table alongside the pool.
Alicia put some warmed herbs in the smoothie. She had never done that before. She said I was getting on her nerves and this would mellow me out. She called it a calm-me-down smoothie.
Maybe she’s right (did Gizmo say that? or did I? Which one of us is talking!?)
You’re the only one to show up for smoothies this morning.
No neighbors. Might be getting on their nerves, too.
She says that to me sometimes, too. That I get on her nerves.
You know, sometimes I think she treats us alike.
How do you mean?
Well, does she ever tell you that your whiskers tickle?
She says I slurp when I drink. I don’t slurp. Not that much.
Maybe you lap. You should try not lapping.
I don’t lap. Not much. You lap.
Lapping. Slurping. It’s all noise to Alicia.
Yes, and I don’t think I make too much noise.
Yeah, like a little burping is a big deal.
But she has redeeming social value. Like, she snuggles nicely.
Yeah, but you know, sometimes I think she lets me sleep with her only because I keep her warm at night.
Sure, but if you get restless, roll over too much or get up to go potty – she kicks you right off the bed. Makes you sleep in the other room.
She does that to you, too?
She seems to have lots of issues.
She also complains that I’m underfoot all the time. I can’t tell you all the times I’ve heard, “Could you just go settle yourself somewhere.”
We’re lucky she lets us use the blanket on the extra couch.
And, we’re lucky she feeds us first thing in the morning and when she gets home from work.
Yeah, and lets us watch “Days of Our Lives” with her.
We looked at each other.
Maybe she does treat us alike.
What are you going to do today?
I don’t know, just putter around the yard, watch the bird feeder, take a nap.
Well, see you around.